As South Korea’s birth rate continues to decline, the government announced in March 2023 that it would prioritize low birthrate measures as a crucial national agenda. The measures implemented so far have predominantly focused on providing financial assistance. However, the decision of the younger generation not to have children stems not only from economic burdens. The societal and cultural psychological factors that create challenges in bearing and raising children also play a significant role in influencing the decision to opt out of childbirth. ChosunBiz aims to extensively explore the previously overlooked reasons behind the low birth rate. [Editor’s note]
South Korea is facing a depopulation problem. The country’s total fertility rate, which estimates the average number of babies a woman will give birth to in her lifetime, plummeted to a record low of 0.78 in 2022. This rate is one of the lowest in the world. The fertility rate was 1.7 in the United States and 1.37 in Japan by comparison.
Recent data shows that the situation is getting worse. The number of births dropped 8.4 percent from 20,646 in October 2022 to 18,904 in October last year, according to Statistics Korea. The country’s fertility rate plunged to a new low of 0.7 in the third quarter of 2023. Experts expect this number to fall below 0.7 this year.
The government invested $210 billion (280 trillion won) over the past 16 years to promote marriage and childbirth, but birth rates have continued to fall. This raises the question: Why are Koreans so reluctant to have children?
Experts note that the root causes of this trend extend beyond the “young Koreans face greater financial burdens” diagnosis, which is an oversimplification of the problem. Heo Ji-won, a professor of psychology at Korea University and author of “A World Without Children”, shed light on the psychological and social factors influencing this trend in an interview with ChosunBiz.
She pointed out that “worrying about not being able to be a ‘perfect parent’” is a driving factor behind low birth rates. “Everybody experiences setbacks, and most people build resilience by overcoming these challenges,” said Heo. But the challenges young Koreans face these days have become too large to deal with on an individual level, Heo says. Academic pressure, employment struggles, and soaring housing costs, to name a few, are overwhelming Koreans in their 20s and 30s.
“Young Koreans who have exhausted their psychological resources avoid having children and worry that they will not be good enough parents,” Heo said. She stressed that a paradigm shift is necessary to resolve the country’s low birth rate crisis. Heo called for abandoning the need to become perfect parents, emphasizing that being “good enough” parents is sufficient.
From a psychological perspective, what are the major causes of low birth rates in Korea?
“Studies show that approximately one-fourth to one-third of young people in their 20s and 30s struggle with mental health issues. These people fear that their mental health is not stable enough to start a family and raise children. The thought of facing even minor discomforts leads many young people to question the need to endure such experiences. So, they choose not to enter marriage and parenthood.
At the same time, young people hold themselves to very high standards, often pursuing perfection. Questions like “Am I a good person?” “Am I worthy of a family?” “Will I be a good parent?” “Is it right to bring a child into such a challenging world?” contributes to low birth rates. They don’t think they’re good enough to raise a child, so they wait until they think they’re ready. But waiting for the “right time” is often an illusion rooted in pursuing perfection.
We shouldn’t blame young people for making this decision. Contrary to common perceptions, they are more altruistic compared to previous generations. Millennials and Gen Z are often viewed as self-centered, but studies show they are less self-centered than other generations. It’s their upbringing: they were educated on values such as citizenship, human rights and empathy. They are more mindful of others. This mindset extends to their unborn children - they are more cautious about starting a family or raising children.
Young people sometimes choose not to have children because they are frustrated with their studies, jobs, and high housing prices.
“Building resilience requires overcoming minor challenges from an early age. This way, a person can reset their mind and then move on to tackle new challenges. But in recent years, young people’s challenges have grown too big. Competition for college admissions and jobs, soaring house prices, and financial strains caused by the Covid-19 pandemic are overwhelming for many to handle on their own. As the experience of overcoming these obstacles diminishes, people become disheartened and cynical.
This is related to the psychological concept of burnout. When the world feels unfair, people lose energy and motivation to take on new challenges. Without the experience to effectively deal with setbacks, they are unable to develop resilience and find themselves too emotionally drained to consider starting a family or having children.”
How can young people overcome burnout and regain their energy?
“Cynicism and emotional burnout can be reversed by connecting with people. It’s not about finding a soul mate or a best friend but about feeling supported and understood by like-minded people. It’s better to tell someone, “You’re not alone in this,” than make statements such as “Everyone else has it hard too” or “Why are you like this?” This approach helps people realize they are not isolated in their experiences, making life more manageable. It broadens their decision-making scope, expands their range of action, and empowers them to make choices.
This concept is what psychology calls the “generalization of distress.” The same goes for low birthrates. It’s important to acknowledge and validate the feelings of those not wanting to have children - that it’s perfectly understandable. Once the older generation recognizes that not having children feels like the only option for young people, we can take the first step towards addressing the issue.”
Psychological instability has been identified as one of the factors behind low birth rates.
“Insecurity can be classified into three types: anxious-insecure attachment, which is the fear of being rejected by others; avoidant-insecure attachment, which is the tendency to avoid interpersonal relationships; and ambivalent-insecure attachment, which is characterized by indifference in anxious situations and overreaction in trivial ones. It is often believed that insecure individuals lack the psychological resources necessary to form healthy relationships or raise children.
However, insecurity is a human trait. An individual who experiences feelings of insecurity can still form a loving attachment with their spouse and child. In fact, acknowledging and understanding these insecurities can lead to insights that help to strengthen the relationship with their child. While the pressure to raise a child as perfectly as parenting experts do has increased anxiety around birth, insecurity is not the same as the competencies needed to raise a child. This is where the “and” comes in. Cultivate the mindset that while you may be unstable for a while, you are able to provide your child with many things because you are prepared for birth and nurturing and know how to enjoy life on your own.
Many people claim that they refrain from having children because they empathize with them, but the truth is that individuals with such an understanding would never resort to harming a child. Regardless of your role as a parent, your child will thrive with the inherent qualities they are born with. It would be ideal if we didn’t overthink the duties of a parent. All you need to do is smile wholeheartedly when you make eye contact with your cherished child, and discipline them when they display inappropriate behavior.”
How can we overcome the psychological pressure to be the perfect parent?
“There is no such thing as a perfectly good parent. A ‘good enough’ parent is enough. It’s important to show your child that you’re not perfect and that you, too, have flaws. This will help them understand that it’s okay to make mistakes and keep trying. If you always remove obstacles and fulfill their every need, they may become more vulnerable to stress later in life. Instead, let your child try things out and figure out what works best for them. This will help them develop skills like psychological flexibility and empathy, which will be invaluable as they grow older.”
There are many different types of families that are emerging that are not just legally bound couples.
“The traditional family structure has undergone significant changes over the years. These days, many of us study or work in different regions and countries, making it difficult to rely on distant family members in times of need. Instead, we often turn to our neighbors or work colleagues for support. Moreover, families are becoming increasingly diverse, with more single-person households, unmarried couples, cohabiting partners, and elderly couples choosing to live together without remarrying after the loss of a spouse. Additionally, there are communities that offer generous psychological and material support to their members.
There is a sociological term for this: greedy marriage. When individuals enter into marriage, they tend to prioritize the welfare of their partner and children over that of their parents or siblings. On the other hand, there are those who, despite not having a family of their own, still contribute to the betterment of society or donate their resources to support others. It is important to note that choosing not to have children does not necessarily imply selfishness or a desire for personal enjoyment.”
What would it be if you had to choose one measure to address the declining birth rate?
“We need to recognize the reality that local governments will not suddenly slow down the decline if they provide housing or childcare. The perception that young people are not having children on their own is not going to help. We need to take the next policy step by realizing that young people are making these decisions with their own mindset.”
