#Scene 1.
After my ultrasound at the ob-gyn clinic, I stepped out to look for my husband. I called out, “Oppa?” and suddenly, about 20 men in the waiting room all turned to look. I was mortified. I don’t think I can use “oppa” in public again.
#Scene 2.
My four-year-old daughter asked, “Mom, was Dad born from Grandma?” Puzzled, I replied, “Why do you think that?” She said, “Because you call Dad ‘oppa,’ like I call my brother.” With her two-year-older brother as her “oppa,” she had drawn the “logical” conclusion that Mom and Dad must be siblings too. Pretty sharp for a four-year-old. It might be time to change how I address my husband.
#Scene 3.
I went to college in the 1990s. From my freshman year, I mostly dated “oppas” (a term used to address an older male) and eventually married one. Among my friends, only one—who had joined a nearly extinct activist group—referred to her senior male as “hyung” (older brother, typically used by males) instead of “oppa.” When we met recently, she was still calling her husband “hyung.”
According to the Encyclopedia of Korean Culture, “oppa” is a kinship term used by women for an older brother born to the same parents or an older male relative in the same generation. Originally limited to family ties, it has since broadened to refer to male friends or romantic partners. Calling a friend or boyfriend “oppa” is common, and for those under 50, it is hardly seen as unusual or out of place.
Recently, a controversy arose over First Lady Kim Keon-hee’s KakaoTalk message to a man named Myung Tae-kyun, in which she referred to “my oppa.” Speculation swirled over whether she was referring to her husband, President Yoon Suk-yeol, or her biological brother. Kim said that “oppa” referred to her real brother, whom she described as “thoughtless” and “ignorant.” Although both the presidential office and Myung clarified that “oppa” referred to Kim’s actual brother, many remained skeptical. As the rumor mill churned, people quipped, “If she didn’t have a real brother, how would they have explained this away?”
In February last year, a question was posted on the U.S.-based Q&A site Quora asking, “Isn’t it weird for Koreans to call their boyfriend ‘oppa’ which actually means older brother?” The post pointed out how unusual it is in Korean culture to use the same term for both a blood-related brother and a romantic partner or husband. This unique usage reflects the broadening of the term “oppa” beyond its original familial meaning.
The widespread use of “oppa” for men outside family relationships began in the mid-1990s. Before then, from the 1970s to the early 1990s, female university students often referred to male seniors as “hyung” rather than “oppa,” a shortened form of “hak-hyung” (academic older brother). Some members of the ‘86 Generation (those who entered university in the 1980s and were born in the 1960s), especially those involved in political movements, still use “hyung” as a term between male and female peers, symbolizing the ideal of equal comradeship beyond traditional gendered perceptions. Park Min-jae, who entered university in 1990 and is now 53, recalled, “By around 1993 or 1994, after I returned from military service, I noticed female students were clearly shifting to calling male seniors ‘oppa,’” adding, “The term ‘hyung’ started to feel outdated and was tied to the waning activist movement.”
This era’s young adults, known as Generation X (those born in the 1970s), grew up during South Korea’s economic boom and democratization of the 1980s and 1990s. Raised in a relatively affluent environment, they embraced individual expression without hesitation, including male and female identities. In 1992, Seo Taiji and Boys debuted, ushering in idol culture, with groups like H.O.T. and Sechs Kies following. College basketball also surged in popularity, sparking the rise of “Oppa fan clubs.” No longer confined to family, “oppa” had become a term of admiration in wider social circles.
In the late 1990s, a boy band named “OPPA” also debuted. When Psy’s hit Gangnam Style took the world by storm in 2012, the word “oppa,” which featured in its lyrics, gained international recognition. By 2021, “oppa” had entered the Oxford English Dictionary in the U.K.
For some, this marks a phenomenon that arrived belatedly. Couples born in the 1970s and 80s are now reevaluating their use of “oppa” daily. Lee Ji-hyun, 44, from the class of 1999, recently started calling her husband “yeobo,” meaning “honey” or “darling.” “After turning 40, I started questioning how much longer I could continue using ‘oppa,’ which feels somewhat immature. Most of my friends now address their husbands as “yeobo” or by “OO’s appa (father of [child’s name]),” she said. Her husband, Han, 48, however, wasn’t exactly on board with the change. “He grew up with only brothers and associates ‘oppa’ with warmth and familiarity,” she explained. “He feels that being called ‘OO’s appa’ sounds too old.”
A survey by SM C&C’s platform Tillion Pro, conducted from Oct. 19 to 20 with 1,603 married participants in their 30s to 50s, found that 20% of men in their 50s still preferred being called “oppa.” For married women, the use of “oppa” for their husbands decreased with age: 37.7% in their 30s, 26.2% in their 40s, and only 9.4% in their 50s. Men’s comfort with being addressed as “oppa” also gradually declined: from 33.1% in their 30s, to 29.5% in their 40s, and down to 20% in their 50s. In general, couples tend to settle on terms of address that resonate with both partners, with “oppa” still common since husbands are often older than their wives in Korean marriages.
For women in their 30s and 40s, the usage of “yeobo” and “oppa” was comparable. Among women in their 30s, 37.7% used “oppa,” while 31.5% used “yeobo.” In their 40s, 27.3% used “yeobo” and 26.2% used “oppa.” However, by their 50s, the use of “oppa” fell to single digits, as many in the 86-generation (those born in the 1980s onward) were less accustomed to the term.
Among those who changed their terms of address before or after marriage, 67.4% cited that the previous term felt out of sync with their age or stage in life. Another 21.16% shifted to suit the preferences of elder family members, such as parents-in-law, while 9.25% did so to be mindful of their children.
In online forums frequented by women, such as mom communities, common sentiments are shared, including: “My husband and I are the same age, but if I call him by name at my in-laws’ place, it raises eyebrows,” or “I used to call him ‘darling,’ but after my mother-in-law commented, I avoid addressing him directly when visiting her.”
Kim Hyun-jin, 40, class of 2003, said, “We used ‘Jagi (baby or sweetheart)’ while dating, as ‘oppa’ felt odd for us, and now we say ‘yeobo.’” Cho Hyun-woo, 53, who works in a large company, shared, “I’ve always called my husband ‘Mr. OOO’ since we married, and when we argue, I use his full name, ‘Mr. Kim OOO.’” Using a spouse’s full name, including their family name, is widely known as a “siren” term. Numerous YouTube videos under titles like “Husband’s Reaction to Being Called by Full Name” show husbands instantly alerted and wondering, “What did I do wrong?”
So, is there an official term for addressing one’s husband? According to standardized forms co-developed by the National Institute of Korean Language and the ChosunIlbo and documented in publications such as the Standardized Forms of Address (1992), Standard Language Etiquette (2011), and What Should We Call Each Other? (2020), it’s recommended that wives avoid calling their husbands “oppa.” The 1992 guidelines suggest terms like “yeobo,” “Mr. OOO,” or even “Hey you” for newlyweds; “yeobo” or “OO’s dad” after children are born; and later in life, “yeobo,” “yeonggam” (a term of respect for elderly men), or “OO’s harabeoji” (grandpa of [grandchild’s name]).
