It is that time of year when “back to school” fervor takes hold. Parents and students prepare new school uniforms, stationary stores stock up on supplies, and it can feel like starting from scratch.
For some children, it is a time filled with anxiety. This is particularly true of the transition between elementary and middle school as students begin teenagehood by adjusting to a new social group, teachers, and academic challenges. At the same time, it presents opportunities to build qualities like resilience that can last a lifetime.
In my role at Dulwich College Seoul (DCSL), a foreign school for children aged three to 18, I help students with their adjustment between Primary and Senior School, which takes place at a similar age to the shift between elementary and middle school in Korea. Having worked at schools in Seoul and Busan for the past 15 years, this is my guide for what works well.
Recognize the losses
It is important to acknowledge that something has been left behind when a child moves from elementary to middle school – a loss of the school and teachers they knew for years, and perhaps some of their friends too. A piece of childhood is shed with this jump and parents may feel sad about that too.
Students can be encouraged to acknowledge these feelings and take steps to ease the anxieties of starting a new school. A great technique is to write down how they are feeling. A child stressed about the upcoming school year might keep a journal to express themselves and what they are managing. It is a powerful exercise, helping them release negative thoughts and gain control over the situation. It works for parents too!
Another option is to take a little rock and put it in their pocket. If they get too nervous during their first days at school, they can put their hand in their pocket, focus on the sensation, and remind themselves that they are strong and tough like that rock.
Despite all of this, parents should not be alarmed if their child shows signs of distress. Parents must avoid allowing their emotions to become enmeshed with those of their child. They should be there as a safety net to love, listen, and support as needed. Some children might need additional help, such as when they show major changes in a short period of time. Options like counselling or art therapy are fantastic ways to assist children through that and seeking help is normalized.
See the opportunities
As children learn to cope with their own emotions, they build resilience and learn how much they can achieve through their own willpower. Later, they will be able to look back on how they coped with the beginning of middle school, and it will embolden them when facing future challenges.
However, there are more steps that move from coping to thriving. Students can be asked, “What are you looking forward to at your new school? What do you want to try out? What kind of friend do you want to make?” I counsel Primary School students to consider these questions, and it helps them look more positively at their upcoming change by reframing the anticipation of starting a new school.
If they still have anxiety, students can be reminded that they will soon feel much more comfortable and that they can use this as an opportunity to get to know themselves and how they can adapt to change. They can also be encouraged to find a friend or two who will be going through this with them. It can make a world of difference.
In addition, a change like this is a chance to break bad habits from elementary school. A child may regret missing out on opportunities in the past. Now, they get to open a new page in their life and reset.
Lean on routines
There are some habits that should be protected and nurtured, however. Students are always looking for stability to rely on in their life. Aside from the disruption of starting a new school, they may have lost their routine after a long winter break.
We can support children by keeping consistent schedules. It helps to stay busy, spending less time on social media and more on sports or hobbies. Developing passions is helpful, and they can offer much-needed structure during key life transitions.
This is also a good time to foster global citizenship, a core aspect of life at DCSL that helps students grow in awareness of the world around them. What does this mean for their routines? Parents can talk with their child to identify needs in their community and consider ways they could volunteer. This then becomes a habit, helping children to look beyond themselves and focus on others and the act of giving.
Setting daily routines may involve learning public transport routes and how to get to school and other places. It is important to show children how to avoid potential pitfalls, but this is an age when they naturally start to become more independent.
Ultimately, starting a new school is a milestone for children and their parents. It is an inevitable part of growing up, but that does not make it easy. No one should assume it will all simply go smoothly. Finding it difficult is ok, as is seeking advice and counselling. Being prepared can make the transition less turbulent, and even very positive.
